Emotional Intelligence in Couples Therapy

  The whole title of a new treatise of relationships is Emotional Intelligence in Couples Therapy: Advances from Neurobiology and the Science of Intimate Relationships written by Brent J. Atkinson, Ph.D.

The cover says "RECENT BRAIN FINDINGS point to new understandings about human motivation and interaction. Here the author applies these insights to couple therapy, showing how recent brain studies can help couples increase their chances of success in therapy. Presenting strategies that will lead to success, this book helps couples move from internal states that block change to states that are compatible with change."

Why did I find this book interesting? There are two reasons I have featured this book. First, I have been married 33 years and consider my relationship troubled at best. Second, I know the author, having taught him in Sunday school when he was a child. I am reading this book to see how it can help me.

If you want a technical explanation of why you react the way you do and want to possess the characteristics that make relationships work, you should read this book and follow the advice to change your unhealthy patterns.

Why Katrina?

When disasters like Hurrican Katrina happen, many people wonder why and question "God's motives". Dr. John Piippo of Theolobloggy answers this question very well. Check it out.

How do we understand something like this in light of our faith and belief in an all-loving, all-powerful God?

I believe that before responding to this question we must first seek God as to what we can do to help the victims in addition to praying for them. In Matthew 25:31-46 Jesus talks about feeding the hungry, giving drink to the thirsty, clothing the naked, and reaching out to the “least of these.” What Jesus says in Matthew 25 is radical and shocking in its expectations. We must apply His words as an ongoing lifestyle and not only (though there is good in this) in short-term immediate responses to crisis situations.

Only after that can we authentically ask the theological meta-question: why would God allow such a thing to happen? From a Christian theological standpoint here are my thoughts.

*The Bible presents us with a fallen world, a world in bondage to decay, a world that itself cries out for redemption. In such a fallen world natural disasters happen. They always have – both small scale and large scale. We are not promised that we will always be protected from them in this life. Romans 8:18-23 states: "For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to decay and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies."Romans 8:18 was probably the first verse in the Bible that I ever memorized. Again, it states: "I consider that the sufferings of this present life are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us." Why this verse, I now wonder? I am thinking that it spoke to me because, like everyone, I had experienced suffering. Unfortunately, for me in particular, a good deal of my suffering was brought on by my own bad choices. But it was clear to me that this life will contain suffering, struggle, hardship, and pain. And this clarity in no way caused me to doubt that there was a God who is loving, just, merciful, and powerful. All the sufferings I have personally seen and not seen have not changed my mind about this. I have no doubt that God is with me. I also have no doubt that there will be suffering in life. *I have never believed, on the basis of biblical teaching, that the ultimate purpose of this life is to live “a long, healthy life.” From my Christian standpoint the most important value is, while I am in this life, to love God with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength. This does not mean that, e.g., when we lose a loved one that we will not deeply grieve. Or that, when a loved one or even our own self is greatly suffering, we will not feel pain. But biblically we are not presented with a pain-free life. I believe that how we live and die is far more significant than the fact that people die. As a pastor I have been with many suffering persons and have seen God greatly glorified even in the midst of great suffering.

*Everyone dies. The specifics of how persons should die are not given. Some die peacefully. Others die violently. But we do not have, in the Bible, any idea of a “good death.” There are a lot of not-so-good deaths in Scripture. Take Jesus’ death on the cross for starters. Think of the suffering and dying Jesus as portrayed in "The Passion of the Christ."

*I believe that from a Christian paradigm it is not only possible but probable that God did save lives in the midst of all of this. There are indeed persons testifying that this is indeed the case. Such persons see and experience the saving activity of God in what happened to them. It would be presumptuous to devalue the testimonies of God's redemptive activity that are and will be coming forth out of this tragedy.*But of what value, then, are our prayers? Do our prayers move the heart and hand of God? I will be posting my response to this question soon.

*A FINAL NOTE: I have in my personal library many books that respond to the questions that arise in the midst of suffering and pain. One such book is Greg Boyd's Is God to Blame? We're selling his book now at our church because Greg is coming to be with us October 2-3-4 of 2005.

Daily Devotional - From the Inside Out

by Robert E. Reccord
8/3/2005


Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place
PSALM 51:6


A man in Long Beach, California, went into a fast-food chicken fran-chise to buy lunch for himself and the woman with him. He took their orders, and they drove to a nearby park for a picnic. When he opened the box, he was surprised to see money instead of chicken. Apparently the manager kept the earnings in a chicken box to prevent robbery until the armored truck arrived. He had inadvertently handed the wrong box to the unsuspecting customer.
The man quickly returned his picnic basket of cash to the store manager. Elated, the manager said to him, “Stick around! I want to have the newspaper take your picture. You are the most honest guy in town!” The man refused. When the manager asked him why he wanted to avoid publicity, the man said, “Well, I am a married man, and the woman I am with is not my wife.”

Integrity is much more than superficial honesty. It’s a commitment of inward character that directs every area of our lives. It’s at the core of what God’s church is all about because it’s where Christians hold one another accountable. The Bible says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another” (Proverbs 27:17). Simply put, Christians need one another to ensure the growth and continued strength of inner character.

Often believers fail spiritually because they try to handle weak areas of their lives alone. An accountability partner will help you grow from the inside out.

SPREAD THE WORD THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Integrity is a vital character quality for the believer, and we can build it through accountability with fellow believers.

Robert E. Reccord

This devotional and others is available at Spread the Word Ministries

Robert E. Reccord's book Made to Count is available at Christian Books Online

Is Christianity Intolerant? - David Brickner

8/2/2005

Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”
JOHN 14:6

There is much talk today about our pluralistic society. From a worldly perspective, tolerance is seen as the greatest good. But today’s society has twisted the meaning of tolerance, making it practically synonymous with relativism. True tolerance is treating people decently regard-less of how they may differ from you. The false tolerance demanded by today’s society requires that we accept all beliefs as equally true. To suggest that someone else’s religious belief might not be true is wrongly labeled as intolerance.

By the world’s standards, therefore, the Christian belief that Jesus is the only way of salvation is perceived as intolerance, even bigotry. Whenever we proclaim that Jesus is the Way, the Truth, and the Life, the inference is that all other ways are false, and therefore those who trust anyone or anything other than Jesus for salvation are mistaken. You don’t have to tell people they are wrong; the message itself pronounces them wrong. Those who don’t believe will always view this as intolerance. And those who are considered intolerant can expect some rejection.

God wants us to be loving and humble when we tell others about Him. Yet even the most inoffensive manner cannot guarantee that people will not take offense at what we have to say. Ultimately, people decide the basis upon which they will or will not be offended.

SPREAD THE WORD THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
If you are rejected for being a lighthouse for Jesus, remember that you are standing for the Savior and that it is not you being rejected, but Him.


David Brickner

This and additional daily devotionals are available at Spread the Word Ministries

Daily Devotional by Tom Phillips - August 1, 2005

The Communicator
by Tom Phillips
8/1/2005


“Therefore go and make disciples of all nations.”
MATTHEW 28:19


John Bass, the former President of Christian Booksellers Association (CBA) said, “The constant flow of communication exposes others to the challenge and motivates them to accomplish.” The challenge our Lord has laid out for us, our most important job here on earth, is to communicate the gospel to others.
This communication hinges on how well we know the Lord our-selves. The apostle Paul’s greatest desire in life was to know Jesus Christ. “I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death” (Philippians 3:10). After that, Paul’s mission was to make Jesus known to the world.

Communicating the gospel also requires that we make time in our lives to pray for other people and for our attitude toward them. How do you view the people God brings into your path? Do you see them as a burden, or as a blessing from God?

Jesus didn’t treat people as burdensome interruptions. For example, when He heard that John the Baptist had been beheaded, He withdrew to be alone, but the crowds followed Him anyway. What would you have done? Jesus’ response was to hear the Father’s voice and feed the people who were hungry—both physically and spiritually. The people were not an interruption; they were His ministry.

We are God’s communicators—His transmitters and receivers. As we live in faith and obedience before others, we will point them to Jesus Christ.

SPREAD THE WORD THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
Look for ways to make time in your day for others.



Tom Phillips

The Faith of the American Soldier: From Lexington to Iraq

Mansfield, Stephen (Author )
Description

Mansfield, author of the bestseller, "The Faith of George W. Bush," focuses on the spiritual aspect of men and women involved in American conflicts from Lexington to Iraq. This book, which addresses the role religion has played in America going to war through the years, will inspire faith and patriotism in readers. (Christian Religion)

From the publisher:

It has been said that there are no atheists in foxholes. Indeed, this timely book shows how faith has played a major part during the major wars in U.S. history. Stephen Mansfield, author of the bestseller, The Faith of George W. Bush, focuses on the spiritual aspect of men and women involved in American conflicts from Lexington to Iraq. This book, which addresses the role has religion played in America going to war through the years, will inspire faith and patriotism in readers.

This book and others like it are available at Christian-Books-Online.org

Daily Devotional by Tom Phillips

Finding Courage in Battle
by Tom Phillips
Friday, July 29, 2005


“‘You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you…. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.’”
2 CHRONICLES 20:17


How do you usually react when faced with a seemingly impossible situation? Do you tend to hide your head? Or do you grit your teeth and press ahead, no matter how insurmountable the obstacle may seem? We can find encouragement by viewing our battles from God’s perspective. Doing so reminds us of three things. First, regardless of out-ward circumstances, we do not battle against flesh and blood. Second, the battle is God’s, not our own. Third, and most importantly, despite the bruising we may receive in the midst of a battle, God has already won.
How much easier it is to move forward courageously when we see the battle from God’s point of view. When we do, fear leaves us, and we can pray more diligently and confidently, certain that God hears and that He will answer.

In the eyes of the world, time on our knees is time wasted. But the prayers of believers supernaturally unleash God’s power against our enemy. In some miraculous way, our prayers become agents of power. Angels unsheathe their swords and the battle rages. We can’t see it, but we know the principalities are at war, and there is no fear. God is in control, the ultimate victor. We can enter combat focused on God and believing that He will accomplish all that He intends.

SPREAD THE WORD THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
We acquire courage only through time spent with God in prayer. Through it, He enables us to see the battle and to stand in the gap for others.

This and other author's devotionals are available at Devotional List

Best In Home Business Opportunity

In December of 2004 I was looking for a Christian in home business opportunity. I was already involved with books sales on the web... but very limited. I keep looking for a great Christian Business and I found Spread the Word Ministries. It was a no-brainer for me! A small one time fee to set up the bookstore and I was up and running in five minutes. This is no small store... it has over 158,000 items.

This online Christian bookstore fulfills my need for ministry - I am selling good books that can change lives. Also good music that soothes the soul. Check out my bookstore and see what you think.

See Christian-Books-Online.org

Escaping the Matrix: Setting Your Mind Free to Experience Real Life in Christ

I watched all of the Matrix films with great enthusiasm. I thought of them as entertaining and exciting. Dr. Gregory Boyd writes about the Matrix in his book "Escaping the Matrix: Setting Your Mind Free to Experience Real Life in Christ".

Description
Boyd and Larson use the vehicle of "The Matrix" film trilogy to argue that human struggles with habitual sin, thought patterns, damaged emotions, and phobias happen because people do not know how to take charge of the way they experience reality.

From the publisher:
In some way or another most of us are "stuck"--in a secret sin we can't control or maybe by an inability to stand up for ourselves. "In Escaping the Matrix, authors Gregory A. Boyd and Al Larson use the vehicle of "The Matrix film trilogy to argue that our struggles with habitual sin, thought patterns, damaged emotions, and phobias happen because we do not know how to take charge of the way we experience reality. The authors draw on biblical and psychological insights to provide practical resources for helping believers escape the matrix of the world system that ensnares them. While this book is aimed at the newest generation of Christian readers, all ages will be inspired by the book's innovative strategies for experiencing a deeper life in Christ.

This book and others of Dr. Gregory Boyd are available at deep discounts at Christian-Books-Online.org

"Finding the Hero in Your Husband" by Dr. Julianna Slattery

Finding the Hero in Your Husband is an essential tool for understanding the Christian concept of submission-a frequently misunderstood and often contentious subject. Dr. Slattery combines Christian principles, her professional expertise as a psychologist, and personal experience as a wife in this indispensable book to help women improve their marriages. When expectations of trust and intimacy go unfulfilled, a wife's anger and fear can result in unhealthy domination and control. The power of a woman's approval and perspective in a relationship cannot be underestimated; it must be directed in ways that promote intimacy instead of destroying it. Dr. Slattery advocates that the key to a successful Christian marriage is a wife's ability to encourage her husband to develop his leadership role in the marriage and her ability to avoid boredom in the bedroom. (The Journal of the American Medical Association reports that 43 percent of women and 31 percent of men are sexually dysfunctional.)

In Finding the Hero in Your Husband, Dr. Slattery uses illustrative case studies and scriptural guidelines to answer many essential questions and explain difficult and sometimes unpopular but relevant concepts to help Christian women improve their relationships. Each chapter concludes with questions for reflection and discussion, making it ideal for both individual reading and group study. About the Author Dr. Julianna Slattery is a Christian psychologist and gifted speaker on psychological issues affecting families. She earned her Doctor of Psychology and Master of Science in Clinical Psychology at Florida Institute of Technology where she received the Outstanding Clinical Student Award. Dr. Slattery graduated Magna Cum Laude from Wheaton College with a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology and earned a Master of Arts in Psychology from Biola University's Rosemead School of Psychology.

This book is available at Christian Books Online

When Feelings Don't Come Easy 

This book will help explain why people become robbed of their God given ability to freely express feelings. You will learn that at the heart of emotional suffering, many physical ailments, poor self worth, unhealthy relationships, and dissatisfaction with life is the inability to identify and effectively express feelings.

This book provides valuable insights, powerful case testimonies, inspiring scriptures, and easy to learn techniques to help you overcome the fear to say what you want, let go of emotional hurts, find satisfaction in relationships, find emotional happiness, and feel good about yourself! Hundreds of people have already been empowered by these techniques to make the needed changes in their lives. Allow this book to start your personal healing in order to experience the love, peace, and joy that God has to offer through a satisfying life.

This book is available at Christian Books Online

Credit Union Membership Available

Spread The Word is pleased to partner with Christian Community Credit Union (CCCU), a financial institution that has your best interests at heart. CCCU is committed to putting your money to good works. By becoming a member of Spread The Word you can have access to banking solutions geared toward your personal finances, business finances, and ministry finances.
When you become a member of Spread The Word we will refer you to this quality financial services institution and you will be eligible to apply for banking services at Christian Community Credit Union.
Through this referral process Spread The Word and Christian Community Credit Union are able to provide meaningful financial solutions to Christians and Christian ministries world-wide. CCCU even has programs that give annually to select ministries.
To find out more Join Today

Homeschooling! Now What?

Embarking on the path to educational independance (aka - homeschooling)? After you have bought all of you books and used them, then what? Can't afford to buy new but children have moved on to the next grade? These are all valid questions and I know where to find the answers to them.

As a homeschooler of 22 years and eight children, I amassed quite a few 'used" textbooks, curriculums, readers, workbooks, and answer keys. How do I move them out and recover some of their value to purchase new? I found http://homeschoolbookswap.com. This site is a free e-classified site that allows you to list, sell or find curriculum materials. This piece of information is free because I care.

Need new but want it at a good price? Then I suggest http://Christian-Books-Online.org for the best prices on new books, software.

Need a in home Christian business opportunity? Then I suggest http://johnsturer.com for information on how to own your own bookstore, saving you tons of money and allowing new sources of income.

All this information about in home business opportunities andways to sell your homeschoolbooks comes from a homeschool parent and survivor.